


stardust

by coldbrewgirl



Series: tiny sparks [7]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, MCD, Suicide, im not sad i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27667894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldbrewgirl/pseuds/coldbrewgirl
Summary: “How long—”“Have I known? Maybe a month ago. Do I have left? Anywhere from two months to forever.”
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Series: tiny sparks [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839997
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24
Collections: Challenge #10 — Surprise Surprise





	stardust

**Author's Note:**

> “That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.”
> 
> -Emily Dickinson

“Do you ever wonder what happens to us when we die? Do we just melt into the dust from which we come from, or do we rise up into the sky and turn into stars for other people to wish on?” Jongin flicked his lighter and stared into the tiny flame intently.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe what?”

“Fuck, man, I don’t know. Also, quit smoking that crap. It’s not good for your body. Don’t you see the whole lung cancer warning on the front?” Kyungsoo reached over and pulled the cigarette out of Jongin’s mouth.

“It’s just, the way I see it, maybe the good in us turn into stars, and the rest of us just return to dust. Also, give that back to me, I’m not done with it yet.” _I’m dying, anyway._

* * *

“Will you cry when I die?”

Kyungsoo laughed humorlessly, their backs on moist grass. “You say that as if you know something, Jongin. What are you not telling me?”

“Just answer the question, Soo.” _I’m dying._

“No shit. What kind of sick question is that?” Jongin smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Kyungsoo shifted his body towards the former, his face serious.

“Ahh, you know it’s just me and my many thoughts.” Jongin couldn’t look at Kyungsoo properly, fingers fumbling with a cigarette stick. Kyungsoo sighed and turned his face towards the black skies shadowed in gray clouds.

“What are you not telling me, Jongin? I thought we promised no secrets.”

“It’s 3 am, Soo. We all say the weirdest things at the witching hour.”

“Well, will you cry when _I_ die, Jongin?”

“That’s a stupid question. It’s not like _you’re_ dying soon.” Kyungsoo froze and Jongin sat up, cigarette between two fingers. “At least not the way I am.”

“How long—” Kyungsoo began.

“Have I known? Maybe a month ago. Do I have left? Anywhere from two months to forever.” Jongin smiled. “It could be worse, you know.” He lit the cigarette and took a deep breath, wincing as the nicotine burned his throat.

“Aren’t you scared?”

“Of what, dying? Happens to the best of us, Soo.” But not being scared doesn’t make it any easier.

“Do you think it hurts, though? Dying, I mean.”

“Probably not. I would think it’s just like closing your eyes,” Jongin took a drag from his cigarette, “and when you open them again, you’re someone else completely.”

“That doesn’t make dying any less scary, does it?”

“Maybe not.”

* * *

“Well, Soo? I thought we promised no secrets.” Jongin exhaled loudly, and the smoke was a tidal wave of clouds washing over his face in broken memories, waiting for a reply that wouldn’t come. “You could at least have said something instead of keeping everything quiet,” he continued.

“Or maybe I was too absorbed in my own shit to not have noticed how you were. And maybe when your burden was too much to bear I wasn’t there for you, but you should have said something, anything,” Jongin took a deep breath and it shuddered out of him, “godsdammit, Soo, you could have given me a hint. I would have done anything for you. Anything. You were my life, Soo. What do I do now?” Jongin stayed silent, waiting. Always waiting. But he knew there wouldn’t be an answer no matter how long he waited. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to stop waiting.

“Well? Did it hurt? Maybe the least you can do is give me a heads up.” Jongin swiped away a stray tear that burned a solitary path down his cheek. “I miss you, you know. More than I can ever tell you now.” Jongin blinked as cold droplets kissed his face, and frowned at the pitch black sky, no stars in sight.

“Ah, what a disappointment,” he muttered, and the cold concrete dug against his lower back as he shifted and turned his body towards the headstone of the boy he used to love, “I guess even the good in us don’t turn into stars after all.”

**Author's Note:**

> i swear i’m not a sad person, i just like sad things.
> 
> also, i guess these are snippets of their lives, albeit how short, together
> 
> do we have a purpose or did we just get lucky?


End file.
